I’m Back!

I cannot fathom how 8 months have gone by since I last wrote a blog post.

At the 2 month mark I attempted to write an update on every event from the prior two months.

…but my post ended up being novel length before I was half finished.

At the 6 month mark, I attempted to write something, ANYTHING! But I stared at a blank word document trying to figure out where on earth I should start…I never figured it out.

Now here I am…nearly 8 ½ months since my last blog post, I’m about to write one, and I have no idea how this post is going to end up.

I’ve made two resolutions to guide me for this post though:

• This post is dedicated to sharing what God has taught me the past 8 months.
• I am not leaving this bench on our veranda (unless it’s to refill my tea glass) until I’ve finished writing this post. I’m going to finish this time!

So here goes…

My past 8 months can be perfectly summarized by the poetic Charles Dickens in his opening lines to A Tale of Two Cities where he writes, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,…”*

This season has been one of high highs and low lows; sometimes the next step can be seen clearly and other times, I feel in the midst of thick fog. It’s been a time of humbling discoveries yet encouraging growth.

Through all of this, God has taught me a great deal and that’s what I want to share with all of you.

Slow down, be patient, and wait– I hate waiting. No matter the reason I have to wait (whether legitimate or illegitimate), no matter the length of time (whether 15 minutes in a check-out line or months for God to reveal the next step for my life), I just really despise waiting!
I do everything quickly.
I’m a fast eater.
I’m a fast walker.
I’m a fast driver.
I’m a fast talker.
The list could go on…
Oftentimes, I don’t slow down enough. I don’t just stop, wait, be patient, and enjoy the moment.
However, God has been showing me there is a lot of value to waiting.
Seasons of waiting are actually seasons of opportunity; especially for growth.
I could use those 15 minutes in the grocery line to share the gospel with someone around me or spend time in prayer.
I can use those months I’m waiting to move forward with things in life to grow more spiritually and devote more time to God and His Word.
I can use the time I’m waiting for God’s plan to come to fruition to further my potential in the areas He’s called me.
Without these seasons of waiting in my life, without learning how to be patient, without taking the time to slow down, I would make (and have made) a lot of foolish and immature mistakes.
Whereas, if I utilize these seasons of waiting to grow in the Lord, be teachable, and learn, I’ll be much better off and have fewer missed opportunities than if I am impulsive.
Waiting is beautiful. It’s hard, incredibly hard, but beautiful.

I am not called to please people. I am a huge people-pleaser. I prefer to keep everyone happy and for people to have a positive opinion of me.
Not only does my attempt to please people reveal a deep root of pride in my life; it’s also an impossible goal to strive after.
Scripture has a lot to say about the pit of people pleasing (see Col. 3:23, Prov. 29:25, 1 Thess. 2:4b, Psalm 118:8, Eph. 6:7, and Acts 5:28-29).
Galatians 1:10 even goes so far as to say if we are attempting to please men, we are no longer servants of Christ…ouch.
Not to say we shouldn’t strive to live at peace with those around us. Scripture clearly says we should (see Rom. 12:18); but ultimately, God should direct our steps. It’s important we be sure of God’s will and calling before acting. Then, if we are sure of God’s leading in our lives, what people might think should never hinder us from doing His will.
At this phase in my life, when life decisions start becoming my own, is when my personal loyalty to the Lord is really put to the test. Am I going to willingly, loyally, faithfully, and wholeheartedly serve and commit my life to the Lord? Or am I going to surrender my life to the empty, hopeless goal of pleasing men and ultimately end up empty and lost?
I choose to serve the Lord; wholly and completely. It will have a cost at times; but as the chorus goes “I have counted up the cost, and You are worth it!”.
This is one reason why my next point is so important…

My relationship with God must ALWAYS come first! I know this is cliché and every Christian knows this; but do we really know it?! When times are easy and going great, when life is smooth-sailing, do we still put God first always? Do we only come to Him when we feel like we need Him; or do we recognize we always need Him?
What I have recently observed in myself is that I can sometimes only come to God when I need answers. “God, I have a really tough decision to make here! Can you help me make that decision? What’s the right path?” “God, please give me the words to say right now as I’m helping this person!” “Lord, Your Word is living and active! I’m so confused and broken right now. Please let the Scriptures encourage and help me!”
All those prayers are wonderful and good. Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT discrediting our need to seek God when we’re struggling!
My point is, how often do I wake up, even when I don’t have a “need” or unanswered question, and pray, “Lord, guide me through each moment of this day. Show me Your plan for my life today. I know these are my plans for the day; but help me to be led by You and be walking in Your spirit through each moment.”
Sadly, I don’t do this very often…
Our walk with God should be a day-by-day, moment-by-moment walk. It’s not an “Uh oh, I’m no longer able to do this by myself…let me run to God for help” relationship. It’s an “I can never do this on my own…God guide me through each moment” relationship.
My personal experience has been that even when life is going great, the road and directions are clear, the minute I make my relationship with the Lord secondary, the road becomes rocky and difficult, and I’m unprepared for the situation.
However, if I’m steadfast in my dedication to God, when obstacles arise and the path becomes rocky (which will happen!), I’ll always be ready.

I’m not as mature as I thought– When I was 14, I was at a cookout and a woman in her mid-20’s asked how old I was. I told her and she looked shocked and said, “Only 14!? Oh my gosh you act like you’re 22!”
However, now that I’m actually entering this scary realm of life called “adulthood”, I’m realizing I’m not nearly as mature as that well-meaning girl (or I) thought.
It’s easy to think I’ve totally got this “life thing” figured out; but I really don’t.
These last few months, with all the newness, decisions, changes, possibilities, opportunities, and uncertainties, I’m learning there is a lot I have left to learn and a whole lot I don’t know. And sometimes even when I “do know”, I fall captive to snares of impatience, people-pleasing, and thinking I can handle things on my own.
I have a long…Long…LONG way to go; which means I need to be teachable and a good listener (areas I could certainly improve). I need to seek wisdom from those around me through observation and inquiry and take to heart what I observe and hear; seeking God ultimately for His will.

As I reflect on the past 8 months, the highs and lows, the best times and worst times, the wisdom and foolishness, the hope and despair, I look back with gratefulness.

Have these months been easy? Not at all. At times they have; but for the most part, they’ve been crazy hard! But without all the struggles, without all the waiting, without all the humbling lessons, I never would’ve grown like I have.

As James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (NASB)**

Thank you all for reading! I hope to write more posts soon.

God Bless,

~Megan

*http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/29595.html
** “endurance” in this passage is translated as “patience” in the KJV.

Update: Burning power lines, Rats, Ants, Goodbyes, and Other Events

I can’t believe it has been over a month since my last post!

My life has been a rollercoaster this past month, accounting for my absence.

I’m in the process of finishing my final year of high-school (finally!!) which is definitely taking up a majority of my time. Obviously it needs to be done, but it’s hard to be home so much when my heart would much prefer being at Wiphan.

I also had my 18^th birthday at the beginning of the month which we celebrated low-key as a family. That is, until I was surprised a few days later with a “babysitting job” that was actually a party for me with many of the ladies from our church! It was such a lovely evening with my mom and all those sweet, thoughtful ladies.

Recently I did spend a great deal of time at Wiphan enjoying last days with the most recent hospitality class, class 12, (click HERE and see mid-section of the page if you’re unsure what this means) before they left for their 3 months of attachments (internships).

Click HERE for a video of singing in class

It’s always hard for me to say goodbye to these students. I spend months bonding relationships with them only to see them leave. Yet what an exciting thing it is too! These men and women have gone through extensive training in catering and hotel and their passion for the Lord by the end is so intense. Their pure joy and excitement for beginning their work is so evident!

My sweet best friends from hospitality class 12; all dressed up to celebrate their last day of class! Miss them so much.

Their last days are always filled with lovely music (you can see a clip above), dancing, laughter, and joyful fellowship as we prepare to part ways…

My first sleepover with Emily!

It’s certainly a bittersweet time for everyone. =)  As of right now, they’ve been gone for a couple weeks. Prayers for them and their time interning would be appreciated!

I had the joy of hosting my first sleepover since being in Zambia a few weeks ago with one of my dear friends, Emily. She’s actually a member of the hospitality class 12. I would certainly describe her as a kindred spirit!

Other recent Wiphan events include a leadership trip to a nearby game park. I wasn’t able to attend this, but my parents said all the leaders had a relaxed and fun-filled time with a great deal of laughter!

Wiphan leaders enjoyed a game drive at Nsobe game park (Photo Creds: Mom)

Madam Getrude, Mr. Brighton, and Madam Mubanga holding a phython with the help of Ba Zacks (Photo Creds: Mom)

Wiphan Nkwazi vs. Wiphan Westbourne football (soccer) match! Photo Creds: Mom

There was also recently a “sports day” held at Wiphan. Wiphan schools have recently developed sports teams and set aside a day for the teams from all three schools to gather together and interact with each other while participating in tournament style sports events. The girls’ teams played netball (somewhat similar to basketball) and the boys played football (aka soccer). I also wasn’t able to attend this event, but mom informed me it was another lovely day!

Lastly, four of the Wiphan leaders, along with my dad, recently attended a leadership conference in the capital city of Lusaka. When they returned, everyone seemed in agreement that their time was productive and one of great growth.

Among our family and life at home, we have recently been dealing with a rat issue in our house which all began in MY closet! UGH! For multiple nights in a row, I could hear the rats scurrying in an overhead cabinet above my main closet. My wonderful dad and brothers took great care of me through this. lol They even used paracord to tie the doors shut.

After a few nights, the rats were no longer in my closet, but one evening my brothers managed to kill one in our homeschool/sitting room!! My dad and I were each gone at the time and I heard quite the story when I came home! The room itself looked as if a tornado had swept through it and the boys shared how the rat jumped off the curtains five feet in the air and how, in the end, Cameron (8) had killed it with a badminton racket.
A few days later, my dad killed a second one in the pantry. Yuck. Yuck. YUCK!
Thankfully since then we haven’t had any more issues with them inside the house.

In the last few days, we’ve acquired an issue with red, killer ants. I’m honestly not sure of their official name, but they travel in large groups killing anything in their path. I read a comment from a friend recently who shared how they took down a full size pig and devoured the whole thing! Needless to say, these ants are not to be trifled with.
A couple mornings ago, before 6am, my brother walked into our kitchen only to discover piles of ants as well as trails of ants all over the floor attacking different roaches and other bugs they’d found. They were even in our sink and had covered the entire drain so that we couldn’t even see it! When the ants were cleared away, a half-dead lizard crawled out of the drain.
I hadn’t slept well at all that night and so didn’t get up in time for all of the action. However, later in the afternoon another trail had found their way into the kitchen and pantry. There were only around 100 that time as opposed to the thousands in the morning.
Since taking care of those two incidents, we haven’t had any more invasions. I hope it stays that way! While it’s nice that they eat all the bugs, I rather not be afraid to step on the floor….haha

We’ve also been having quite an ordeal with electricity lately. We’ve been dealing with the extreme annoyance of inconsistency, but recently when had a scary incident with power.
The electricity had come on two hours earlier than scheduled which isn’t a common occurrence. My parents were gone at the time and most of us were working on our schoolwork when Alex (14) comes to inform me that the power was at low voltage. I didn’t think he was correct considering the washing machine was running fine (which isn’t normal when voltage is low), but he proved right when we heard my dad’s battery backup beeping at an odd frequency and inconsistency- indicating fluctuating voltage.
Fluctuating voltage is dangerous considering it could mean a power surge in which case every appliance hooked to an outlet could blow up!
Alex and I were in the middle of discussing whether or not to turn off power to the house when we suddenly heard a powerful “!KABOOM!” from outside accompanied by seconds of loud firework-like noises: sparkling, crackling, sizzling, etc.
As soon as the KABOOM hit, chaos erupted in our house for the next seconds. It’s quite humorous now, but at the time, it was anything but funny! Alex’s eyes became wide in concern and he ran off to my dad’s office. I instantly ran to the breaker box and started switching everything off shouting at Alex asking if everything was okay. My younger brothers were screaming wondering what was happening and Ba Zenia (she works at our house) was screaming fearfully in Bemba as she ran out the front door. Ba Steve was outside shouting and staring behind the house.
As soon as I switched off all the breakers, everyone congregated outside to ask Ba Steve what had happened. He informed us a spark had ignited on the power pole to the right of our wall and sent a flaming, sizzling, spark down the entire power line all the way to the next pole on our neighbors property. As we were looking at the electric lines, the spark reignited where it had ended and started spewing sparks for a few more seconds.
I called my dad at this point to inform him of the situation and he arrived home just a few minutes later only to casually inform us the grass was on fire…literally he said it like it happened all the time.
Ba Zenia and I were shocked for a moment until he explained that Ba Steve was already taking care of it. haha!
Anyway, praise the Lord we’d switched the breakers in time because who knows what could have blown up! Power came on at normal voltage after only an hour or so (which was surprisingly soon!). We’ve thankfully had no such issues since.

It has been quite an adventurous and eventful month for us here. Between all the different programs with Wiphan, conferences, rodent issues, ant infestations, and electricity surges, I’d say this month has been quite memorable!
I pray some of these recent issues are behind us, but then again, they do make life interesting. 😉
I hope to be more consistent with writing from now on instead of having to play “catch up” on a whole month’s worth of activities in one post. Haha!

Thank you all for reading.
God bless!

A Weekend in the Bush {Part 3}

{continued from Sept. 1^st & 2^nd . Click HERE for Part2 and HERE for Part 1}

Day 3

Saturday: our final day at the conference…I had such mixed emotions.

We were only there half the day. The morning began with music as it always does. An impromptu group of six young men led a few songs before Bishop and Pastor Aaron took over. After that, we had a short universal session on the basics of leadership.

Time to sing!

To conclude my parents’ time, the church leaders remained behind for a more in depth discussion and the rest of us remained outside. I visited with different friends for a while and helped Rejoice more on the guitar. However, he hardly needed my help as within two days he’d already learned how to pick out a song fairly efficiently. I have never been more impressed with a beginning guitarist!

After a bit, my friend Blessing motioned for me to join him and others who were standing in a circle beneath a tree singing. Blessing was playing the guitar and Deborah, Sibo, and 3 other young men were there as well.

I’ve said this time and again on my blog, but I’ll say it again: I ADORE music in Zambia!! Not to mention, in this particular instance, everyone I was singing with possessed impeccable voices.

Deborah

Blessing

Sibongile

We sang multiple songs as a group encouraging each other in our vocal abilities and trading around who sang what harmony. We also took turns soloing and then vocalizing as a group. Sibo and Blessing taught us a song they had written together. It was call and echo and Sibo was so into it as he led he seemed to be in his own little world with his passionate singing!

Singing with this group for a couple hours was certainly one of the highlights of my time. I would’ve happily skipped lunch to continue singing with them. Haha!

Very shortly after eating, we said our goodbyes (which take about as long as greetings) and began our two hour drive back to Ndola.

Snapshot of a prayer group

It was a bittersweet departure for me. I will admit I was excited to get back to a shower, indoor toilet, and to rub aloe vera on my stinging sunburn; but at the same time I was sad to leave life in the bush.

Until recently, I’ve never been someone who anticipated change well; but when something new comes my way I adapt incredibly fast. At the conference, I’d basically blocked out life and jumped full-force into the life at hand.

I’m far, far, FAR from fully understanding or fully living life out in the bush, yet even in two days I learned a great deal. I recognized wrong mindsets and priorities I possessed. I was also prompted to compare my life in the U.S., my life in Ndola, and life in the bush. I’m an analytical person and sometimes it takes time for me to fully process my thoughts.

I honestly can’t say I have all my thoughts together regarding the weekend yet. However, what I do know is God is truly and literally AWE-some! He did a wonderful work in my life and I felt so close to Him during the conference. All the people around me were feeding me spiritually and encouraging me to be in tune with the Lord.

The Holy Spirit worked in many ways and the faith of the people I was with was touchingly admirable.

I’m unsure if I’ll ever return to that beloved place in Kapiri, but if I never do, I can honestly say this past weekend will live on forever in my memory.

Thank you all for reading. ❤

A Weekend in the Bush {Part 2}

{continuing from yesterday click HERE for Part 1}

Day 2

This day was my favorite…

Friday morning came all too quickly to our tired selves as we languidly rolled out of bed; excited for the day ahead, but sincerely wishing we could sleep longer.
We were soon at the conference where we greeted friends and gathered around the breakfast table. During breakfast, Madam Chisupa (the bishop’s wife) asked me to play and sing a song to begin the morning sessions.

As we all gathered in the conference area, Pastor Aaron opened with beautiful Zambian music. Then, feeling a bit nervous, I grabbed my guitar and played “Lord I Need You” by Matt Maher. Mom held the microphone for me and sang along with a high harmony. I glanced over at my dad once and he was crying. I didn’t look at him anymore to keep from tearing up myself… Lol. Blessing and Sibo (two of the Mwamba brothers) told me later they could tell I was a bit nervous and unprepared. Haha! But at least God isn’t interested in my voice being flawless. 😉

After I finished singing, I quickly went to join the Sunday school class to teach them. I soon learned that rather than walking to the nearby area they had yesterday, the entire Sunday school team had walked 2 miles away to a football (soccer) field!

A group consisting of my brothers, my friend Victoria, myself, and little Grace (who held my hand the whole way) set off in the general direction of the field, but with little confidence on how to get there.  We traipsed through the Zambian bush for quite some time, taking a wrong turn once and going a good bit in the wrong direction, but we finally found the field where we met up with the Sunday school.

The football field

Walking through the bush

This session, Alex and I together shared about the fruit of the Spirit with Victoria acting as translator. After we finished, Victoria led in a few different sing-song/dance games with the kids before we walked back to the main area.

Playing games!

PEACE! Learning the fruits of the spirit.

Alex’s turn to play!

Teaching

Alex teaching on the fruits of the spirit

Dad teaching with Pastor Aaron translating

I managed (with Gloria and Grace next to me) to catch the end of Dad’s talk on idolatry which happened to be a great pathway into what I would be speaking on in the afternoon.

After dad finished and everyone was released, we ate lunch and I headed to the kitchen to greet the people there. Being in the kitchen always makes me smile. =)

As I left the kitchen, I was intercepted in my walk by a sweet little boy, perhaps 2 years old, named Timothy who I sat and held for a while as I read through my notes for the afternoon.

After a bit, I joined Deborah and Victoria who were sitting under a shade tree. They were in the middle of a discussion, but I was hoping to have a chance to ask them how I could be praying for them.

However, God’s plans are higher than mine and He knew it wasn’t the time to ask those two that question; but rather a different friend…

Rejoice (the other Mwamba brother) approached me after a few minutes and asked if I could assist him on the guitar. As I stood observing him play, I began visiting with another friend standing there. Out of respect, I’ll refrain from sharing his name.

I’m unsure what prompted me to ask as I wasn’t intending to ask him, but the words, “So, how can I be praying for you?” came out of my mouth.

This friend is rather shy and up to that point, I wouldn’t claim to have known him well. He stuttered a little at my question and struggled saying, “I’m just so shy…I want to tell you…but I’m just failing because I am shy.”

I said, “Well if it’s something too personal or private I understand and I’ll just know to be praying for a personal issue. Just know I’m happy to hear anything you have to say though! My greatest love and passion is to listen to people when they are hurting and help them however I can.”

My friend still seemed utterly conflicted. We were standing where there were many people so I asked, “Are you afraid someone is listening?” He said yes, so I suggested we walk over to a nearby log where no one was at the time (still in the main area; but away from crowds).

As we sat down, he verbally argued with himself for a time before finally sharing a deeply personal struggle. He insightfully even shared why he struggles with the issue and what he knows would help him improve. I then asked if I could pray for him right then. He looked around to see how many people were watching and finally, but hesitantly, said yes. We prayed together and then he said something that absolutely amazed me…

He said, “You know, after your dad was sharing with us yesterday I told myself I would confess this struggle to someone today, but I was failing because I am shy…and then you came and asked how you could pray for me!”

ISN’T GOD INCREDIBLE!?!?!?! I had NO idea he’d made that commitment to himself and I truthfully wasn’t intending to ask him how I could be praying for him! Yet God, in His omniscient nature, knew this friend needed the encouragement and I needed the faith builder.

After we finished our discussion, I quickly found my parents and told them what God had done. Following this, I went back to the main area and noticed my friend Deborah sitting on the log where my other friend and I had just been.

I went and sat next to her and asked how I could be praying for her as well. She shared 3 different things to pray for, one of which I could strongly relate to, and we spent a few minutes in prayer together.

Me teaching

It wasn’t long before the afternoon sessions began. The plan was for the “youth” (ages 15-30) to remain in the main area where my parents and I would be speaking. Everyone else was separated in other groups with different speakers.

I spoke first following my dad’s introduction and had Pastor Aaron as my translator.

I began with the topic of putting God first in our lives (which is what tied in nicely with my dad’s prior discussion on idolatry). Then I shared about Spiritual gifts and talents, the difference between the two, how everyone possesses both, and how we should seek God to show us our gifts and talents. Then, I came back to the topic of putting God first and explained how we should put God first in our talents and gifts and use them to serve and glorify Him; consequently, strengthening the body of Christ (this tied in nicely with what my mom would be sharing next!). I concluded by saying that I was happy to talk to or pray with anyone who would like me to do so later on.

When I finished, a pastor (who had remained with us) stood and expounded on what I shared. He stressed the importance of seeking the Lord at this stage in our lives as youth. He then said that anyone who would like for me to pray for them, asking God to reveal their gifts and talents, could stand in front and I would pray over them.

This was entirely unexpected. I asked my parents if they’d like to pray as well; but they told me it was what God had laid on my heart and so I should pray.

Fifteen to twenty young people came and stood in front. My heart instantly broke because I wished I could know each name. I said so out loud and Mom quietly reminded me, “God knows Megan”. So I closed my eyes, comforted by what my mom said, and prayed.

Sibo and Pastor Aaron leading music

After I finished, I sat down and listened to my parents speak. I was greatly encouraged by what both of them had to say. Mom shared about youth in the Bible; focusing specifically on Miriam and David. Then dad shared some encouraging passages of Scripture and spent a great deal of time praying over us all.

When they finished, everyone came together for a short evening session. Pastor Aaron and Sibongile led music to begin. Sibo led a beautiful South African song and did so with such joy and passion it made the song, already a beautiful one, even more beautiful!

When the evening session was complete, everyone dispersed except for a select group to have a session on marriage.

Victoria (and Gloria)

Outside, I took a walk with Victoria and another friend named Rebecca. We enjoyed some fun time of chatting and laughing.

Upon returning, I stood and chatted with Deborah and Sibo. Sibo left after a time and Deborah and I enjoyed a wonderful conversation. She asked me for advice and we had a very open discussion. For privacy’s sake, I won’t disclose the content; but it was incredible how our discussion tied in beautifully to my conversation prior with the anonymous friend.

Later on, as it was becoming dark, I joined a very interesting and fun Biblical discussion. The participants included two girls, Mulenga and Jane, myself, and the anonymous friend prayed wither earlier.

When I joined the conversation, two of the questions we discussed were: “Is it wrong to judge others?”  and “How do we as Christians balance sharing the gospel with others, yet not associating too much in the wrong crowd so as to fall in ourselves?”

The subject then turned to discussing spiritual gifts and talents and we each went around sharing what ours were. During all our discussion, God began to show me my anonymous friend possesses the spiritual gift of discernment. When it was his turn to share, he said something to confirm my thoughts and I said, “You know what? I think I know your spiritual gift!” When I said “discernment” it’s as if a light clicked and he realized it was true. He started thinking out loud telling how he processes things and how he determines the character of a person. It was extremely neat to watch him!

Jane!

Lista..!

Victoria and Lista

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to stay and enjoy more conversation as I was soon informed we were leaving for the night.

The next day, our last, would be a day one of passionate joys and fun, sad goodbyes, and deep reflection…

{to be concluded tomorrow, September 3rd}

A Weekend in the Bush {Part 1}

My family spent this past weekend, Thursday through Saturday, at a conference in a place called Kapiri. This was our second year to attend this conference. Pastor Aaron, one of Wiphan’s pastors, is a part of the church congregation hosting the conference which is how we became associated. My parents were asked to speak for 2 days last year and they were asked to do this same this year as well.

Last year was incredibly exciting and fun, but personally I found this year to be far more memorable. I intently tried to focus on the Lord, His leading in my life, and how He was working rather than simply the social aspect of being there. However, I was looking forward to reuniting with some very dear friends.

Besides crashing in bed at a lodge each evening, we spent our entire time out in the bush.

What exactly do I mean by “bush”? Let me put it this way: no running water (wells were located about 500 yards away), no electricity (apart from a mini generator which powered a keyboard and microphone), no plumbing, no roofed structure except for a partially tarp-covered conference area.  Most living areas were enclosed with rough 6-foot tall thatch “walls” to separate rooms.

We’re also in the middle of the dry season meaning there is an immense amount of dust everywhere. August is also considered the windiest month so you can imagine the severe amount of dust in the air.

Maybe these pictures will help give a bit of a visual (put your cursor over the photos for the captions)

To the left of the main area. The wells are down past the tree line in the distance.

In front of the main area: a partial concrete structure that was already there. It’s used as a bedroom.

The “nice toilet”.

These thatch walls enclose different “rooms”. These particular walls enclose the conference area and a boys bedroom.

A blurry picture of the kitchen.

Now, here is Day 1 of three about how our unfathomable God worked in beautiful ways at the bush conference in Kapiri…

Day 1

We arrived at the conference mid-morning on Thursday and spent the first hour or so greeting everyone.

Greetings are a very important part of the culture here. There is a lot of hand shaking, hugging, and multiple thoughtful questions involved in a greeting. It’s such a beautiful thing!

As I said above, I was greatly excited to be reunited with old friends; specifically my dear friend Victoria and also the entire Mwamba family. Sadly, my friend Joy Mwamba wasn’t at the conference this year.

Sunday School

After we finished greeting everyone, my brothers and I went off with the “Sunday school” children (ages 14 and below) to teach them. There were three adults (one being Pastor Aaron) helping to handle about 70 children.

The boys and I began by acting out the story of The Good Samaritan and discussing how everyone is our neighbor.

 

Then we taught the kids the song “I May Never March in the Infantry”. If you don’t know the song, it contains many hand motions and actions making it fun to teach children.

Jackson praying over the Sunday School (Photo creds: Alex)

Pastor Aaron kindly acted as our interpreter and guitar player.

After we finished Sunday school, we returned to the main area where we ate a very cultural lunch.  We ate with the head of their church organization (they call him the “bishop”) and his lovely wife who have become dear friends of ours. They are so kind to answer all our questions about culture and are extremely understanding of our many naïve mistakes. They are an extremely hospitable couple!

Fetching water at the well.

After lunch, I went to fetch water from the well with my friend Lista. The journey to the well is downhill, but the journey back from the well is all uphill. Haha! But together it wasn’t hard to carry the large bucket. I imagine if I hadn’t been there she would’ve just carried it on her head.

My friend Rejoice (Mwamba) had asked me if I’d be willing to teach him guitar, so I spent some time teaching him four basic chords (G, Em, D, and C). It didn’t take him but a few minutes to have them all memorized and transition between them surprisingly fast for a beginner!

 

Sessions started up again mid-afternoon and I was able to listen to my mom’s engaging talk with the ladies on forgiveness. I held sweet Grace Mwamba in my lap with little Gloria on my left the entire time. I daresay there was not ever more than 30 minutes that passed the entire weekend where Gloria and Grace were not by my side. ❤

My sweet girls Grace and Gloria

Mom speaking

As it became dark, we again sat down to a lovely Zambian meal. Following the meal, I found my friend Blessing (Mwamba) at the keyboard. Another young man, whose name I never caught, was playing the bass guitar…and quite well considering the guitar was missing a string!

My favorite memories with Blessing always involve us and our mutual friend Victoria singing together. This particular evening, my friends Sibongile (also Mwamba) and Deborah joined us to sing. All three of them, Blessing, Sibo, and Deborah, have astoundingly flawless voices. Deborah is a smooth and strong alto, Blessing a powerful bass, and Sibo a passionate tenor. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to enjoy their company long as our family soon left for the lodge, but I’d ultimately spend a great deal of time with these three friends (and others) over next two days…

The Mwamba brothers: (from left) Rejoice, Blessing, and Sibongile {Sibo}

Deborah! ❤

After the busy day we’d had, it didn’t take any time or effort for us all to fall fast soundly asleep. My mind was rolling with exciting thoughts about the days ahead, but my thoughts didn’t come close to the beautiful reality of what the next days would hold…
{to be continued tomorrow, September 2^nd}

Journey to the Foreign Mission Field: My Story (Part 2)

click HERE to read Part 1!

March 3^rd, 2015:

After years of knowing, months of preparation, weeks of goodbyes, and days of no sleep, here we were pulling out of our driveway for the last time.

We’re leaving…

It was a bitterly cold day. A thin blanket of snow coated a solid inch of ice. My family and I were all wearing our warmest jackets (we wouldn’t need coats in Zambia) as we drove the 4 hours to my Aunt’s house. We had enough time to say final goodbyes to my Aunt and cousins along with my grandparents before hitting the road once more.

That was honestly the first time I’d ever seen my grandpa unashamedly cry…

I almost wish I could say I was emotional at this time; but again I was so tired reality didn’t seem real.

My Uncle drove with us through the night to Atlanta where we boarded our first flight at 6am.

We were Zambia bound!

The physical journey was long and tiresome. I remember first feeling like I was in Africa when we landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I had just come out of the restroom (also an adventure) and a lady began rapidly speaking to me in Amharic, gesturing unclearly as she did so. I don’t speak Amharic so had no clue what she was saying. Someone tried to tell me in English what the woman was saying, but their accent was such that I couldn’t understand them either the first couple times…Yup, I certainly wasn’t in the U.S. anymore! My first hint into the fact that communication in Africa is not easy…

I was high on adrenaline that final flight from Ethiopia to Zambia. Despite getting very little sleep on the previous 19+ hours of flying, my mind was racing! Sleeping the final two hours of the journey was out of the question.

I remember vividly when the captain informed us we were coming into Ndola. I immediately began looking out my window, anxious to see our new home.

My mind was more puzzling than comprehendible at this point: “YAY! We’re finally here! I can’t WAIT to get home! Wait…did I just say home? I’ve never even seen the house before. Why did I just call it home? Wow…This is so strange. I feel in a way like I’m home; but then again, I feel so far from home.”

Those final thoughts are somehow both true and have remained true to this day. “I feel like I’m home; but then again, I feel so far from home.”  

In fact, that statement has only become truer…

Like I wrote in a previous post, I never expected to change when I came to Zambia. It wasn’t where I really wanted to be; so why would it change me?

I’ve never been so wrong in my life.

I’ve written story upon story of my life here in Zambia for this blog. Right now, I want to summarize the key things God has taught me through being in Zambia.

Don’t get too comfortable:  before moving to Zambia I HATED traveling! I loved my small little town of West Plains, Missouri and didn’t really care if I never left. These feelings aren’t inherently wrong; but for me these feelings were all rooted in me idolizing my home, the people there, and my own personal comforts.

Because I was too comfortable, I became unwilling to do what God wanted. My life was all about me, what I wanted, and what made me happy rather than being about what God wanted for my life.

When I became too comfortable I blinded myself to many realities. My vision was honed in on the things that make me happy and comfortable and I didn’t allow myself to see anything else. This is a dangerous mindset to possess…

The world is much larger than West Plains, Missouri…

My next lesson ties in with this one:

Be content wherever God has me: I think often times “comfort” and “contentment” are incorrectly used synonymously. For a long time, I was guilty of this in my own life. If I wasn’t comfortable, I wasn’t content. If I wasn’t content, I was also uncomfortable. The two went hand-in-hand in my mind. I couldn’t have one without the other. But that’s simply not true.

Let’s define the two words:

Comfort: a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.¹
Contentment: a state of peaceful satistaction²

A quick difference I see between the two is one (comfort) mostly refers to our physical well-being and the other (contentment) only refers to our mental well-being.

It is possible to feel discomfort but still be content.

In fact, I’d almost go so far as to say discomfort is the key to Biblical contentment.

Why? Well to put it simply, how can I be content where God has me if I’m not willing to push through the hardships and difficulties? What is contentment if it isn’t being willing to face trials? If we didn’t have to face difficulties we’d all be content!
As Christians, we are promised challenges in life. They may be minimal; they may be substantial; or there may be some of both. Yet even through these challenges (which will naturally bring discomfort of some kind) we are still called to be content.

If I have a poor and discontent attitude about life I will never go far and will never be able to live my life to its fullest potential.

This is where we are called to say “not my will but Thine” and make the most of our situation in life. Ultimately, we’re going to find that when we submit to God’s will for our lives, even in the challenges, our lives will feel far more rewarding and be much more full of joy.

Wherever I am, today, right now: THAT is my mission field: Often times when people hear the word missionary they take it to mean someone who lives in a foreign country with no electricity or contact with the outside world.

Sure this is sometimes the case! But I would like to propose that those people would be correctly titled a “foreign missionary”. Why am I nitpicking words here? Well, if you want to know the truth it’s because, Biblically speaking, every Christian is a missionary.
Matthew 28:19 says, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

This command was not given to the individual (quite obviously, every person cannot visit every country). This command was given to the universal, worldwide church as a whole. God has my family serving in Zambia right now. God has our dear friends in Utah. God may have me in back in the U.S. next year.

God has you right where you for a reason…

Your mission field is where you are right now! Even if you’re sitting in a coffee shop, at your desk at work, or rocking your child to sleep; THAT is your mission field! We as Christians need to recognize this and live like the missionaries God created us to be! We need to seek God with our lives and ask Him how He wants us to serve on our mission field.

Never again will I view a “missionary” as limited to someone out of the country. Yes, people  who move out of the country to share the Good News of Jesus Christ are missionaries; but I will still be a missionary for Christ if I move back to the U.S.. Wherever I am today, right now, THAT is my mission field…

I’ll never be “home” again:  This lesson has definitely been the hardest with which to cope. When I’m in Zambia I miss the U.S. so very much! I’m American and naturally my heart is tied to my country. I also spent 16 years of my life there and have incredibly strong ties! Even still, when I’m in the U.S., my heart longs for the beautiful sound of Zambian music and the relational community.

My heart no longer belongs to one place.

My heart is always partially elsewhere.

This is where contentment in discomfort comes in. Some days I’m uncomfortable and I miss my American life. That’s perfectly understandable and condonable; so long as I’m willing to be wherever God has me…I’m very content to be in Zambia even though there are hard days.

Since I’ve learned not to idolize a place, not get too comfortable, and to be content; I can now honestly say I’d be content to move or live anywhere. Not saying living “anywhere” would necessarily be easy. No matter where I live there will always be challenges and difficulties; but I know God will mold my heart to fit right where He wants me. I’m so grateful for this lesson!

He is enough: This is a lesson I feel like I am constantly learning. As I discussed in part 1, I have a strong tendency to idolize relationships.
Well, God sure has really taught me a lesson since I’ve been to Zambia!
I have no idea why this is the case, but people here don’t tend to stay in one place very long. The people I was close to when we first moved to Zambia have nearly all moved away; and now my sphere of people I’m around often is totally new.

I’ve made some incredible friends only to have them move away just as we were becoming close.

This has been especially difficult for me.

Because of all this, I haven’t really had the chance to idolize people. Just when we start to bond as friends, the person moves away.

God has used this to show me that I don’t *need* friends to survive.

Yes, friends are a BEAUTIFUL gift from God! I have a best friend (I could write a whole blog post about how incredible she is) who I talk to every day over text (since we live on two different continents). Of course I still have friends!

However, God is enough….He has taken friends away from me to show me that when I’m bored, need help, want to have fun, etc., I can call on Him for all these things. I don’t have to solely rely on friends. Even when my closest friends in Zambia leave or when my life-long friends are on the other side of the world, God is still with me and will never leave.

Christ is and always will be enough…

God has revealed multiple other things to me since I’ve lived in Zambia. Every day I feel like God teaches me something new!! These are just the highlights of what God has taught me regarding the big picture…

As I look back on this incredible journey and as I ponder what the future holds for my life, all I can think to say is how incredible my God is! All the glory goes to Him!! Life in Zambia would not have been such an incredible experience had it not been for God working to change my heart.

I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Zambia the way I have.

I wouldn’t have all these amazing stories of what God is doing to share with all of you.

I wouldn’t have made so many new relationships.

I wouldn’t have learned all these incredible lessons.

I wouldn’t change a thing about my journey.

If I were to summarize what I would hope to say to encourage you from my story it’s this: Don’t lose heart. In every circumstance, look to God for help; and never stop asking God to grow you and teach you new things.

Life is challenging. Life brings us emotions of all kinds! We have good days and bad days…good years and bad years. It’s a part of life! But never give up! God has a plan for you even when you’re going through the most difficult circumstance of your life.

Don’t give up. When you are weary, look to Jesus.

Don’t ever get too comfortable with where you are in life. Always seek the Lord to mold you, shape you, and teach you new things! The journey may be difficult, but I promise it’s worth it when your relationship with God is stronger on the other side.

And just a warning, if you do become too comfortable, be prepared for God to teach you a lesson whether you want Him to or not (my story is a case in point).

I pray my story has been an encouragement to you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

Journey to the Foreign Mission Field: MY story…(Part 1)

Most of my blog posts up to this point have been sharing about my day-to-day life in Zambia with a few “thoughts” and “lessons learned” thrown in. But I’ve been thinking lately about perhaps writing out my journey coming to the mission field; the easy and the hard, the good and the bad.

Well, I’ve decided to go for it…and here’s the end result.

My goal in sharing this is to hopefully encourage others who may be going through the same things I’ve been through… Foreign missionary or not, I hope this post encourages you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was early 2011. My family and I were sitting in our living room in small-town Missouri. My dad had just returned from a short trip to Zambia and the news that wasn’t altogether unexpected was told us by my parents: We’re moving to Zambia.

I remember feeling a rush of emotions. As I said, the news wasn’t entirely unexpected. Zambia had been a big point on conversation in our home for about a year at this point and I knew my parents had a heart for Africa.

Even still, my emotions were everywhere. I didn’t want to go…but I did want to go….I didn’t want to leave my friends…but I wanted to live in Zambia. I’d always DREAMED of jumping back in time and living when things like electricity, running water, and technology weren’t so readily available; and I knew Zambia would likely fulfill that dream to some degree…but I didn’t want to give up the luxury and comforts of the U.S..

Nearly every thought I had was contradictory to another. I wanted something, but I didn’t want it…My feelings didn’t make sense; and quite frankly, neither did this decision.

Even though 2011 was when we were told this news and when my emotions first went crazy, the emotions quickly subsided and life went on as normal. Zambia was something in the distant future…so distant, in my mind, it would never really happen.

It was nearly four years from when my parents first knew God was calling us to Zambia to when we stepped foot on Zambian soil as an entire family for the first time.

During these four years, my parents prayed diligently. They asked God for the right timing for us to move. They asked God for the resources. They made strides toward making us getting to Zambia possible.

During these four years, I was telling people I was moving to Zambia when it became appropriate in conversation; but I still didn’t really believe it.

It all became real sometime in 2014. My parents began talking about purchasing tickets. We started going through and selling things in our house. Our shop building began to fill up with items to either sell or store.

It began to feel like we were moving. Somehow, Zambia didn’t seem so distant anymore…it didn’t seem so unlikely. It was actually happening…

I turned 16 in October of 2014; just 6 months before we left for Zambia. As my birthday approached and the the freedom I’d have with a driver’s license became more exciting, my excitement for Zambia steadily decreased.

Just before my 16^th birthday, I started falling into serious resentment regarding Zambia. I was placing my identity in friendships and people. I also dealt with anxiety and some mild depression. I cried myself to sleep multiple times with bitter thoughts about Zambia, already missing relationships, and being afraid of the future. I didn’t want to go. No matter what, I just wanted to stay in Missouri.

I had (in my mind) controlled my life just fine for the past couple years. I felt like I was right where God wanted me! I was mentoring a friend, my two best friends and I had a relationship anyone would dream of. My church held me accountable and I was fed every week by God’s word. I would soon have the freedom to drive and go places alone. Life in Missouri was fantastic!! This move didn’t make any sense!! …I was comfortable….So WHY WAS I LEAVING!?!?!?

Have you noticed a pattern at all here?? I’ve hardly mentioned me calling on God for strength at all…I was living in my own strength during this time. I was trying SO hard to control my life even though I knew it was out of my control…. I was brokenhearted and an emotional wreck because I was seeking answers and placing my identity in all the wrong places….I thought I knew the right answers; but God is the only one who truly possessed those.

At this same time, I lost some valuable relationships; relationships I’d been idolizing and putting before God. When God removed these relationships, my eyes were opened to see how much I’d neglected Him.

I cried and cried telling my parents how much I knew I’d failed and how much I knew I needed to change.  Instead of judging me or being upset, they only encouraged me. They simply told me how proud they were of me for recognizing my failure and doing something to fix it.

I began really seeing my need for the Lord more as these last 6 months in the U.S. progressed. I began praying more, reading my Bible more, and even thinking about God more. While I was still sad, I found I wasn’t trying to live in my own strength in as many areas anymore. Zambia seemed a little less of a grim fate and my excitement was increasing…but I was still conflicted.

However, there was one area of my life I still didn’t give over fully to the Lord:

I was broken one the inside. My life was out of my control and I KNEW I needed to surrender everything to the Lord; but I still didn’t surrender my friendships. I was still placing a huge portion of my identity in them and used them as an escape mechanism from reality.

I was finally at a place where I could say, “Okay God, I’ll go…” but it was still hard. Instead of calling on the Lord first in my time of difficulty, then my family second, my first “go to” was my friends.

I spent SO MUCH time with my friends the last few months in the U.S.. There’s not anything wrong with this per-se. I mean, everyone wanted their last minute time with friends; but for me I was using it as an escape.

I was escaping from my house which felt FILLED with Zambia: bags laying here, piles of papers to organize there, no furniture in this room, all our clothes in that room…everything just SCREAMED Zambia and some days it was more than I could bear.

I was escaping from thoughts of leaving my friends. I thought spending more time with them would somehow take away the reality of leaving them. It didn’t…

Then, I went through a time where I believed the lie if I’m sad at ALL about moving to Zambia it meant I was not submitted to the Lord. I beat myself up over being sad. I told myself I couldn’t struggle since it was what God was calling me to do. Therefore, I tried to suppress and hide my emotions.

This didn’t go very well for me. Thankfully God showed me the truth quickly. I read the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane where He cried out to the Father and God used that story to show me the truth. It’s okay for what God is calling me to do to be hard. It’s okay for me to cry! It’s okay to be sad! However, “not my will but Thine” should be my resounding heartbeat even in the midst of difficulty. As long as I am willing despite the pain, that’s what matters.
God calls us to do hard things. God doesn’t promise us an easy life. In fact, the Bible talks a lot about suffering, rejoicing in suffering, and glorifying God in suffering. It’s not a sin to suffer…it’s how we deal with that suffering that can be sinful if we’re not careful.

In fact, I’ll never forget: I shared what I had just learned regarding suffering with my church family one Sunday through tears. One of the men spoke up, laughing a little, and said, “Well quite honestly, if you weren’t at least a little sad I might think there was something wrong with you!” HAHA!

I learned it was okay to cry.
It was okay to miss my friends.
It was okay to spend time with friends.
It was okay to ask God “why?”.
It was okay to be confused and not understand…

What wasn’t okay was placing my identity in other people…giving into fear and anxiety about the future …thinking it was right to look to myself for strength…thinking it was WRONG to be sad. Those things were wrong.

I’d learned a LOT of lessons. I’d taken a lot of hard knocks emotionally. But now, two months before I moved, God brought me to a place of full acceptance and revealing Himself and His truths to me…

So the last two months must’ve been easy right?? WRONG! Remember what I said about suffering?? Those two months weren’t easy at all. In fact, the intense conflict of emotions progressed to an even greater degree.

THIS time, however, I was prepared: I had the Lord on my side. I called on Him and He helped me combat the lies and not give into depression or fear. In dealing with stronger emotions than before, I can only imagine how hard those last weeks would’ve been if I hadn’t been seeking the Lord.

I’m not saying I was perfect those last couple months. There were days I failed miserably and gave into the lies. The area where I failed most was continuing to seek answers in friends.

I most certainly had days where I struggled.

I even remember crying in a parking lot and venting to my best friend’s mom just days before I left. I repeated much of what I said above about not understanding why God would take me away and feeling like it was all wrong and this wasn’t for the best. I definitely had hard days!!

Generally speaking though, the last couple months were far better because I was more actively seeking the Lord. I didn’t wallow in self-pity as much or give into depression as long. I started looking to God and my parents first instead of friends first.

I had many late-night conversations with my parents in my room where I shared my struggles. They were so good to listen and comfort me!

As the time came closer and closer, my emotions, as I said, became even more conflicted. One day, I was giddy with excitement and chatting with a missionary girl in Zambia about how I couldn’t wait to be there. Then the next day, I cried all day and couldn’t stand being at my house….

Everything about my life was changing.

It was anything but easy.

As the weeks dwindled down to days, our house became abuzz with people coming to help us clean, pack, haul things to storage, say their goodbyes, etc.

Those final days all run together in my mind and are a humungous blur. I remember waking up in the middle of our living room floor one morning to the sound of my friend and her mom’s voices. I guess I’d fallen asleep sometime in the middle of the night. HAHA! My friend looked quite shocked to see me lying in the middle of the floor.

I also remember getting very little sleep. I know my parents slept even less than I did. I don’t know how they functioned!
I spent many nights at my grandma’s, but it was always well after midnight when I drove there and long before 9am when I was back at our house helping pack, go through items, or clean. There were a few nights in there when I didn’t even sleep until 3-4am. The morning my friend found me on the floor was probably after one of those nights. 😉

I also remember, very vividly, the amazing amount of help and support we had from our church and other friends and family. People came and spent full days working with us. My friend’s mom honestly knew where things were in our house better than we did the last few days and I actually had to ask her where anything I needed was! The amount of love everyone poured out to us was absolutely astounding! I will never be able to thank them enough.

I also know for a fact every one of my close friends saw me cry during those few days. Many literally let me cry on their shoulders. I even had a two hour conversation with one of my friends where I called her, said “talk about anything but Zambia”, and she kept me laughing and smiling for the next two hours. My friends are so wonderful! The things they’ve put up with from me show what true, genuine friends they are. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them then or what I’d do without them now or in the future.

We were spending a great amount of last-minute time with family members during these final days as well.
As I said goodbye to my great-grandparents, it began to sink in I may never see them again, and would likely never have the same experiences on their grand farm I had in the past: I said “goodbye” to my great-grandfather for the last time on this earth just 2 days before we left for Zambia…
I spent many of our last nights at my other grandparents’ house (since ours was void of any beds) and it began to resonate that I wouldn’t have this opportunity again for a very long time…My grandma would no longer be minutes away to call for a SONIC happy hour run…I wouldn’t be able to ask my grandpa the answer to a difficult crossword puzzle clue and then hear his long explanations that followed….

Saying goodbye to everyone was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

Because so many people were coming day in and day out to help us, in some cases I ended up saying goodbye to the same person multiple times which was excruciating!

Saying all the goodbyes made everything official…I don’t know how many people I watched walk out our front door as I cried wishing beyond anything I could stay in MO with them…

Our last Sunday with our church was not an easy day either. Many people had written something for us or stood up and spoke about our family. Oh the tears that day!!

We were leaving…it was actually happening!

Our final night in Missouri, I don’t think anyone besides my youngest brothers slept. Packing all our family’s livelihood in bags is far more time-consuming than we expected! My mom diligently worked ALL night packing as my dad, 2 oldest boys, and I helped where we could.

At this point, I didn’t really have any emotions. I was so tired I was literally on zombie mode and nothing seemed real…

(to be continued…)

Patience Is a Virtue

This past week in my quiet time I’ve been studying patience.

It began last Sunday when I listened to a sermon by Dr. S.M. Davis called, “What Impatience Does”. Now I’ll be honest, I likely would not have chosen that sermon to listen to, but I had limited options that day. God clearly had a reason for making this the one I had.

As I went about with my earbuds in hanging laundry on the line, tidying my room, and cooking I realized just how engaging and incredible this sermon was! I had my volume on 100% and *ahem* became a little impatient 😉 anytime someone needed me because it meant pausing this incredible message.

As I listened to more and more of this teaching I began to feel my heart grow heavier and heavier with the weight of my failure in this area of my life; particularly in my family…and particularly with my brothers.

I even went back and listened to the sermon again a couple days later!

Here are a few definitions Dr. Davis shared for patience in his sermon…again, you can find all these definitions in his message. Purchase HERE

“Patience is accepting a difficult situation without giving God a deadline to do something about it.” {original source for this definition unknown}

Patience is being confronted with frustration and not becoming frustrated.

Patience is dealing with immaturity without acting immaturely.

Patience is dealing with impatience without becoming impatient.

Patience is dealing with anger without becoming angry.

Patience is facing evil without developing an evil attitude.

Patience is the recognition that God is in control and that being impatient will not speed God up, but will only ultimately slow me down.

As I listened to him list those definitions I realized how much of a failure I was. My brothers can easily frustrate me and I easily fall into frustration. They act immaturely and I respond immaturely in my impatience. I want to have all the answers to “what’s next?” right now and only slow myself down in my impatience to wait on God.

Honestly, I’d never thought of myself as an impatient person before. I’d always associated impatience with anger in my mind. Dr. Davis even calls anger and impatience “sister sins”; but the anger is rooted in impatience, not the impatience in anger.

Impatience can manifest itself in many more ways than just anger. I’m not someone who becomes angry easily, but I am someone who can be disrespectful, frustrated, annoyed, incessant, rude, and harsh.

As I think about those things I just listed as weaknesses in myself, I realize the root of many of those sins is impatience…and the root of impatience is pride.

As Dr. Davis goes through his sermon, he discusses 7 points regarding “what impatience does”:

• Impatience produces anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness. (Matthew 18:23-35)
• Impatience demonstrates a lack of true love. (1 Cor. 13:4)
• Impatience indicates pride. (Ecc. 7:8)
• Impatience cuts us off from God’s blessings. (Heb. 10:36)
• Impatience keeps us from spiritual maturity. (Luke 8:15)
• Impatience guarantees an increase in trials. (James 1:2-3)
• Impatience stops the production of Godly fruit. (Luke 8:15)

If you didn’t already, I encourage you to go back and read the verses I listed alongside those points. The verses are what really helped to solidify these points in my heart and mind. After all, God’s Word is living and active (Heb. 4:12)!

Seeing all these negatives that come from impatience, and seeing how many of these negatives I suffered from, I realized how much work I had to do. Davis said patience is not an “elective” in God’s list of attributes we should attain as Christians. It’s a MUST! Without patience we won’t go very far; and I couldn’t agree more! It is, after all, one of the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22).

Throughout his sermon, Davis also shared stories and quotes about how our impatience impacts those around us. The stories he shared broke my heart thinking about how I’ve most assuredly negatively impacted those around me; particularly my brothers. My harsh words and impatient tones I’m sure have left deep scars…Oh how I wish I could take so many things back!

After hearing his sermon twice, I decided to look more into the Greek translation of “patience” and do some more Scripture research for myself these last couple days.

I’ll share a few of my favorite finds with you. I mostly use the NASB Bible which may translate as “endurance” or “perseverance” instead of patience; but the Greek words are the same.

{Emphasis Added}

1 Pet. 2:20, “For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.”
This is likely the most convicting verse for me in Scripture because I fail at both…

1 Cor. 13:4, “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant.”
‘patience’ is the first word used to define ‘love’ in this chapter.

2 Tim. 2:24-25a, “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition,…”

2 Pet. 3:9, “ The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”

Mt. 10:22, “’You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved.”’

1 Cor. 13:7, “[love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

James 1:2-4 (from KJV), “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

James 5:7-11, “Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near. Do not complain, brethren, against one another; so that you yourselves may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door: as an example, brethren of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.”

Prov. 14: 29, “Whoever is patient has great understanding; but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”

Rom. 12:12, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Prov. 16:32, “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”

Rom. 8:25, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

Heb. 6:15, “And so, having patiently waited , he obtained the promise.”

After reading these verses, praying a great deal, and pondering over the character trait of patience I see my great need of improvement. I also I see my great need for repentance and change. I praise the Lord for showing me this area of weakness and my need for improvement!! I only wish I didn’t have so much to regret…but thank God for His mercy and forgiveness!

What’s Next?

What do I do when there are so many options to choose from? How do I decide between so many good things and opportunities? How do I make sense of the right path to take? What IS the right path?

How do I distinguish between my own feelings and emotions and the Lord’s leading in my life?? What do I do when my mind is overwhelmed and swimming with ideas and I can’t make sense of anything??

Have you ever experienced these emotions or wrestled with these questions? Maybe you’re experiencing them right now….just like I am.

So what do I do??

Summit Ministries campus

On May 15, I traveled across the U.S. to Manitou Springs, Colorado. There is an incredible ministry located there called Summit Ministries. Summit is a two week long worldview conference for 16-22 year olds geared toward training young people in developing a Godly worldview and learning how to articulate and defend their faith and what they believe.

My time at Summit was the best two weeks of my life. I, along with app. 140 other young adults, spent 60 hours in lecture in 12 days. That’s the equivalent of a whole semester’s work! Yeah, it was definitely intense!

Not all our time was spent in lecture however. Lasting friendships were developed more quickly than I’d ever experienced. During afternoon free time, my friends and I enjoyed going to town for custard, hiking nearly every day, swing dancing, playing chess, and getting to know each other better. I also had the grand experiences of white water rafting and laser tagging!

(a few highlight photos. 😉 )

My small group! ❤

Besties group photo at the Garden of the Gods

Laser tagging!

Getting custard with friends!

Summit was a lot of work on the brain; but it wasn’t at the expense of fun and enjoyment. I learned more in two weeks than ever before in my life, but I also had more fun than I ever had as well. I would just like to say this: if you are a 16-22 year old Christian: GO TO SUMMIT! (check out their website for more details: summit.org)

I had been wrestling with the above questions for a long time before going to Summit. I’m still wrestling with a lot of them…but God used Summit to give me some of the answers and a game plan for finding answers.

God particularly used one young man, whose name I didn’t even know at the time, to encourage and advise me.

One evening, a particular lecturer was speaking on world poverty. His place of focus was Tanzania. Tanzania borders Zambia (where I live) and the stories he shared pierced my heart deeply and my emotions were uncontainable.

During a break between lectures, I went up to the speaker and told him through tears how much what he was saying was impacting me and why; because I live so near.
The man started tearing up himself and gave me a huge hug while encouraging me that God has a purpose and plan for my life and the lives of those I love in Zambia.

I sat back down in my seat as we were about to begin part two of our lecture. The first part had been about making us aware of the poverty…that’s why my heart broke so badly because he shared some difficult stores. The second part of the lecture was about hope; how there IS hope for poverty!

As I listened to what the speaker had to say, I was encouraged, but all the questions I listed at the beginning of this blog post began to flood my mind. I feel called in SO many directions! I have a heart for world poverty. I have a heart for orphans, widows, troubled teens, rape victims, United States government, EVERYTHING! I want to fix it all!!

But I can’t…

The harsh reality is that I can’t do it all. God isn’t calling me to end world poverty, straighten out our Supreme Court, counsel every rape victim, end abortion, and clothe every orphan. It’s not possible for me to do all those things. It just isn’t!

So what IS God calling me to do!? How do I make sense of things when my heart is going in all sorts of directions??

During Q&A, I raised my hand and emotionally and asked my lecturer how I can know God’s will for my life. I asked him how I can block out my own thoughts and just listen to the Lord.

I didn’t really get my answer at this point. He encouraged me to keep praying and seeking the Lord, but what I really needed to know was how to listen for God instead of listening to myself! Even when I’m praying, my mind easily becomes clouded by my own emotions and thoughts.

After the lecture was finished I headed into the dining hall at Summit to get a cup of coffee. I passed by a table where two fellow students sat and one of them, Austin, called out to me.

“HEY! Megan!” he said, “I wrote your name on my arm. See?”

I looked down at his forearm and saw a bunch of names written there including my own. He continued…

“I’m keeping a list of people I want to pray for, and I just felt I should add you to my list. I could tell you’re having a hard time tonight. Are you okay?”

Austin’s thoughtfulness in praying for me and his welcoming spirit to check on me and give me the freedom to vent encouraged and helped me so much! I pulled up a chair and made myself at home at their table. I restated the emotions I was feeling and the pain I was going through with feeling uncertain about what God wants for my life.

The other young man at the table, who up to this point hadn’t spoken up, thoughtfully looked at me and then said words that literally changed my life.

“Look, I know what you’re going through. I know it’s hard…but listen! You need to stop focusing on everything. All you’re seeing is the big picture. You’re only looking at EVERY possibility! With that mindset, you’re never going to go anywhere because there’s no way you can make sense of it all…Hone in on one or two small things, move forward with them, and if they aren’t what God wants he’ll show you! Stop focusing on everything and focus on one thing at a time and then you’ll go far. You can’t do anything when all you’re focusing on is everything. The other thing is, you’re probably capable of doing far more than you really think you are capable of. Start out small, but God will use you for great things. Be faithful with little and then you’ll be faithful in much.”

My mouth gaped wide open in astonishment. I didn’t even know this guy’s name at this point; yet he said exactly what I needed to hear! I’d never in my life heard something so on point with what I was dealing with and so insightful about how to do better. God used him and what he said in my life more than I think this young man realizes. God used both those young men that evening more than I can say! (Austin and Wesley, if you’re reading this, I know I didn’t know you guys super well, but gosh, God used you both a TON in my life! So thank you!!!)

When I finally spoke, my words came out in a rather spacey tone. I just muttered something like, “Wow. C…can I just give you both a hug? That was incredible. Wow…that was exactly what I needed to hear…”

Wesley’s (yes, I learned his name) advice has never left my mind. I’ve even moved forward with putting his advice into action.

It’s easy for me to become distracted by my own thoughts. It’s easy to get lost in my own feelings and only see the big picture (and analyze every minute detail ;)), but what God said through Wesley helped me realize I need to take a step back; or maybe rather, a step forward. Sometimes thinking about all the options is good; but it’s not good when at the expense of focusing on the here and now and making a move toward a goal.

I heard this quote while at Summit: “One person submitted to a cause is more valuable than 1,000 who are interested.”

I don’t want to be someone who is simply interested in a cause…or even many causes! What kind of legacy would I leave like that? “Here lies Megan. She never DID anything in her life, but she was interested in ____” No. I want to leave a legacy of having DONE something for the Lord! I can’t do that if all I’m doing is showing interest.

So if you’re going through what I’m going through right now and trying to find your path at your stage in life, here is my encouragement:

Calm down. Carefully examine each possibility one at a time. Then, move forward with one or two opportunities.

For example, one of my possibilities was getting a correspondence job with our local newspaper. For me, moving forward was going and talking to the manager about it and seeing if it was even an option. I prayed as I drove to the office: God, if you want me to have the job please make it work; and if You don’t want it to work, please close the door. He closed the door. Awesome! God gave me the answer to that question and I can check it off my list, at least for now.

This hit on my next point, PRAY! As you move forward with the difference options, pray through them at all times. Put each circumstance in the Lord’s hands and trust Him for the outcome.

Lastly, know that you are valued and God has a great plan for your life! Like Wesley told me, “you’re probably capable of far more than you think you are capable of”. Don’t discourage yourself, but rather be encouraged! You CAN do great things for God! Sometimes we just need to take it slow and focus on one thing at a time. Don’t sit still like I did. Actually move forward!

So what’s next for my life? I’m not exactly sure yet…There are so many unanswered questions and possibilities for my life right now. I don’t know all the answers yet. What I do know is that I’m going to start moving forward and taking action to seek out answers. I’m going to pray harder than ever before for God to reveal His will for my life. I’m going to seek Him, and focus on one thing at a time.

I’m writing this from the perspective of still going through this myself. I don’t have all my answers yet, but I now have a better game plan of how to get the answers…and I hope you do too!

God be with you all! Oh…and PLEASE go to Summit! It’ll be the best decision you ever made. 😉

Our Surroundings Affect Us?

You know the saying, “You become like the five people you are around the most” ?

I, for one, fully agree with this statement.

My last post I talked about reverse culture shock. This post kind of ties in on the heels of that post: how our surroundings (including the people we’re around) can affect us, and how they’ve affected me.

I was having a conversation with my friend and her mom about this yesterday and it got me to thinking even more.

See, when I was in the U.S., much of what defined who I was came from my surroundings. My friends, my church, my favorite places to go, how I related to people, etc.. All of those things were determined by my surroundings.

Since coming back to the U.S. after a year in Zambia, it’s been interesting to see how I’ve changed according to my surroundings in Zambia.

The people I’m spending time in Zambia are different. How I relate to people and even sometimes the language I use is different from when I was in the U.S.. What foods I eat have changed (at least somewhat).

Basically, “normal life” has a new meaning to me now.

Let me pause here and talk about reverse culture shock for a minute and then I’ll come back to the original topic. 😉

In my last post I wasn’t really able to explain why reverse culture shock exists, but after pondering it for a while I think I have a possible explanation.

When our surroundings changed, like it or not, we change as well. Sometimes these changes are good. Sometimes they’re bad. Still other times these changes are simply just changes and aren’t necessarily good or bad (i.e. like our favorite foods). And the bigger the change in our surroundings, the bigger we change personally.

Yet even still, what was once normal is still in the back of our brains somewhere. That part of our brain just hasn’t been utilized in a while. Haha!

So when we return to what used to be normal all that time ago, we become overwhelmed by the fact that this should be normal but isn’t. We tend to see more of the negatives in our “old normal” and that is also overwhelming as we see how we used to be.

This is just my theory based on how it happened for me personally…So don’t take this as a scientific law or anything! Haha!

I have been praying, evaluating, and trying to process all these overwhelming and shocking emotions since I’ve come back. After ¾ of our time here is complete I’ve fine been able to get over the overwhelming side and really look at how I’ve let my surroundings affect me from all angles.

Had someone told me before moving to ZA “your friends and surroundings are affecting you drastically!” I probably would’ve thought “ehh…maybe a little”; but would not have really evaluated just how much I’ve allowed myself to be affected.

I had let my mind be at ease in my comfort zone in southern Missouri. I didn’t really think much outside of Missouri! I didn’t sit and ponder what was going on in other nations or other parts of my own country; or even my own state. I had a pretty closed-minded outlook on life. =P

Moving to Zambia has helped me to see life from a new perspective. It’s helped me to step out of my comfort zone and take on life with a new outlook.

Here are a few examples of what I’ve been evaluating and what God has been revealing to me.

One way Zambia has affected me positively is that God has used it to help me grow closer to and value my family more. Being back in the U.S., I’m seeing the negative effects of being away from my family more often.
The surroundings in the United States had the positive affect of allowing me to be more independent. This helped me to grow in confidence as an individual. I’m far less independent in Zambia making me sometimes less confident of myself.
A neutral (not really good or bad) effect of life in Zambia is that I now use words from another language frequently. I also now have cravings for certain foods I can’t find easily here.

If I could leave you with an encouragement it would be this: Even if you’ve never left you hometown before, take time to ponder and pray about how your surroundings are affecting you. Ask God to help you weed out the good from the bad and then make any necessary changes.

Believe it or not, our surroundings have a HUGE effect on our lives and if we’re not careful we can let our surroundings control us. It’s important to examine every aspect of our lives and seek the Lord to lead us; not other things, people, or our surroundings.

Romans 12:2(a) “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”